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The CEO
Can you shit in public restrooms like it ain't no thing?

Do you go down on a woman if she's bleeding at all?

Can you smoke a cigarette with milk as your only drink and be cool? (if applicable)

Do you drink water backs when you're drinking alcohol? (if you don't drink, no need to answer the rest)

Do you let or like women to fiddle with/enter your butthole during sexual acts? haha.gif

Do you enjoy the smell of your own funky armpits?

Do you enjoy the smell of your boys' farts?

Do you get emotional watching Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory? (Original version)

Do you get emotional watching A League of Their Own?

Do you get emotional watching Rudy?

Do you worry about getting a shot at the doctor?

Are you scared of mice?

Are you scared of spiders?

Are you scared of snakes?



I thought of these questions...they will confirm your status (don't worry I won't judge you..laugh.gif)...feel free to add questions or tell a funny story if you like...


Do you dare answer these questions?...laugh.gif

I'll be answering later if people play along...
Don Flamenco
QUOTE(The C.E.O. @ Jul 22 2007, 08:33 PM) [snapback]350587[/snapback]
Can you shit in public restrooms like it ain't no thing?
like it's nothing

Do you go down on a woman if she's bleeding at all?
I don't go down, period (no pun intended)

Can you smoke a cigarette with milk as your only drink and be cool? (if applicable)
not so cool

Do you drink water backs when you're drinking alcohol? (if you don't drink, no need to answer the rest)
I drink Coors Light backs from the Rocky Mountains

Do you let or like women to fiddle with/enter your butthole during sexual acts? haha.gif
WTF is that homo sh**. Might as well start wearing a skirt

Do you enjoy the smell of your own funky armpits?
fuk yah!

Do you enjoy the smell of your boys' farts?
no

Do you get emotional watching Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory? (Original version)
no

Do you get emotional watching A League of Their Own?
no
Do you get emotional watching Rudy?
Yes

Do you worry about getting a shot at the doctor?
no

Are you scared of mice?
no

Are you scared of spiders?
no

Are you scared of snakes?
the ones that bite
I thought of these questions...they will confirm your status (don't worry I won't judge you..laugh.gif)...feel free to add questions or tell a funny story if you like...
Do you dare answer these questions?...laugh.gif

I'll be answering later if people play along...

The CEO
laugh.gif

You, Donald...are a real man for being the first one to answer...cool...

thumbsup_anim.gif
STEVENSKI
Can you shit in public restrooms like it ain't no thing?
No problem. If it is a real bad one I laugh quietly to myself
Do you go down on a woman if she's bleeding at all?
The metallic tang makes it exciting & different
Can you smoke a cigarette with milk as your only drink and be cool? (if applicable)
I like milk & cigarettes (no joke)
Do you drink water backs when you're drinking alcohol? (if you don't drink, no need to answer the rest)
Not sure what a water back is
Do you let or like women to fiddle with/enter your butthole during sexual acts? haha.gif
No
Do you enjoy the smell of your own funky armpits?
I don't care.
Do you enjoy the smell of your boys' farts?
No
Do you get emotional watching Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory? (Original version)
Yes
Do you get emotional watching A League of Their Own?
No
Do you get emotional watching Rudy?
Never watched it.
Do you worry about getting a shot at the doctor?
No
Are you scared of mice?
No
Are you scared of spiders?
No
Are you scared of snakes?
Does shitting your pants count as scared?
The CEO
LOL!!

THIS IS SOME FUNNY SHIT!!


A water "back" is a glass of water to go with your alcoholic beverage...so you don't get as drunk or hungover.....

You LIKE milk and cigs...real man right there.
The CEO
laugh.gif "never been given the opportunity"

I didn't factor in that some may have not seen those movies...

League of Their Own was about a woman's baseball team...and Rudy was about a little dude trying to play college football for Notre Dame...good movies...

STEVENSKI
Oh hell no a real man does not water back. A real man wakes up not knowing where he is, what he has done but has a mouth that tastes like a Arabs arsehole with last nights alcohol oozing out of every pore & droppin farts that make Auschwitz's gas chambers seem mild. Water backs pfft.
The CEO
Can you shit in public restrooms like it ain't no thing? with pleasure.

Do you go down on a woman if she's bleeding at all? To the woman I love...yes.

Can you smoke a cigarette with milk as your only drink and be cool? (if applicable) I can feign being cool...yes.

Do you drink water backs when you're drinking alcohol? (if you don't drink, no need to answer the rest) Nope.

Do you let or like women to fiddle with/enter your butthole during sexual acts? haha.gif That place is Exit Only.

Do you enjoy the smell of your own funky armpits? Yes. Smelling them gives me courage and strength.

Do you enjoy the smell of your boys' farts? HELL naw. That's fucked up.

Do you get emotional watching Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory? (Original version) Everytime his momma sings "Cheer up, Charlie."

Do you get emotional watching A League of Their Own? Hate to admit it...but yes...fuck.

Do you get emotional watching Rudy? A little...yeah.

Do you worry about getting a shot at the doctor? Not at all.

Are you scared of mice? No...but if one scurried across my bare foot out of nowhere I would be...

Are you scared of spiders? Only the ones with weight to 'em.

Are you scared of snakes? Not really.
The CEO
QUOTE(STEVENSKI @ Jul 22 2007, 09:58 PM) [snapback]350598[/snapback]
Oh hell no a real man does not water back. A real man wakes up not knowing where he is, what he has done but has a mouth that tastes like a Arabs arsehole with last nights alcohol oozing out of every pore & droppin farts that make Auschwitz's gas chambers seem mild. Water backs pfft.


Exactly. A real, IRRESPONSIBLE man...laugh.gif

I NEVER drank water when I was partying...I was the type that if I threw up, I would just wipe my mouth, go back in the bar, and start drinking again...hangover EVERY time.


QUOTE(Fitz @ Jul 22 2007, 10:01 PM) [snapback]350600[/snapback]
Yeah, I seen League of Their Own, that's with Madonna right? I just can't remember the movie and how it goes, lol.

Looking over everyones responses so far, I'm in the lead as least manly. haha.


If you were a baseball player, it'll get ya...it's sad...I bet my man, JD, cries like a baby to that one when no one's around..

and no...everyone here is equally manly...so FAR...laugh.gif
rusty_trombone
QUOTE(The C.E.O. @ Jul 22 2007, 09:33 PM) [snapback]350587[/snapback]
Can you shit in public restrooms like it ain't no thing?
only of i piss on the seat to sterilize it first

Do you go down on a woman if she's bleeding at all?
only on heavy flow days

Can you smoke a cigarette with milk as your only drink and be cool? (if applicable)
just call me miles davis

Do you drink water backs when you're drinking alcohol? (if you don't drink, no need to answer the rest)
only if the water is mixed with whisky

Do you let or like women to fiddle with/enter your butthole during sexual acts? haha.gif
only if there willing to get at least a deuce up there

Do you enjoy the smell of your own funky armpits?
i ike the smell of my deodarant

Do you enjoy the smell of your boys' farts?
no, i just don't like anything associated with man ass

Do you get emotional watching Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory? (Original version)
uh no

Do you get emotional watching A League of Their Own?
sometimes, it's a touching story

Do you get emotional watching Rudy?
i have been know to

Do you worry about getting a shot at the doctor?
nah, i ask them for shots, that shit gets my dick hard

Are you scared of mice?
i had a pet mouse named tiger woods once

Are you scared of spiders?
nah, they kill all the other bugs

Are you scared of snakes?
no, i've always had such a big one in my pants, the others just pale in comparison, and my venom is deadlier than that snake shit

I thought of these questions...they will confirm your status (don't worry I won't judge you..laugh.gif)...feel free to add questions or tell a funny story if you like...
Do you dare answer these questions?...laugh.gif

I'll be answering later if people play along...


happy you bitch?
The CEO
laugh.gif

Yes. Thank you...those were some good, yet fucked up, answers...

and by the way...a real man DROPS deuces...he doesn't TAKE them..

Phague.

laugh.gif

hardhead

Can you shit in public restrooms like it ain't no thing?

Fuck germs, I don't give a fuck.

Do you go down on a woman if she's bleeding at all?

Hell NO!!!

Can you smoke a cigarette with milk as your only drink and be cool? (if applicable)

Don't smoke.

Do you drink water backs when you're drinking alcohol? (if you don't drink, no need to answer the rest)

What the fuck is water backs?

Do you let or like women to fiddle with/enter your butthole during sexual acts? haha.gif

HELL NO, to the fucking 100th power.

Do you enjoy the smell of your own funky armpits?

Fuck NO.

Do you enjoy the smell of your boys' farts?

Fuck NO

Do you get emotional watching Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory? (Original version)

Honestly I've never watched it all or I don't remember it very well.

Do you get emotional watching A League of Their Own?

No, but it was a great movie.

Do you get emotional watching Rudy?

Same as question before, great movie but not as much a tear jerker as Mickey dying in Rocky III or Apollo dying in the Rocky V, Glory was another one that had me sheding a few tears back when I was about 11.

Do you worry about getting a shot at the doctor?

No, I give blood ALL THE TIME.

Are you scared of mice?

Not really mice but Rats on other hand, I don't fuck with those fuckers.

Are you scared of spiders?

No, but roaches and grasshoppers are a different story.

Are you scared of snakes?

Only a poisionus one.
Al Hata
Can you shit in public restrooms like it ain't no thing?
Yes sir, I like to shit in malls.

Do you go down on a woman if she's bleeding at all?
Errrrrrrrrr, maybe. Turn the lights off please

Can you smoke a cigarette with milk as your only drink and be cool? (if applicable)
I smoke cigs with Capri Sun pounches. I am all man with this subject.

Do you drink water backs when you're drinking alcohol? (if you don't drink, no need to answer the rest)
water backs?

Do you let or like women to fiddle with/enter your butthole during sexual acts? haha.gif
No way, I'll give that bitch the Jersey Joe Walcott Shovel shot...whatever Bhop called it.

Do you enjoy the smell of your own funky armpits?
Do not enjoy.

Do you enjoy the smell of your boys' farts?
No

Do you get emotional watching Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory? (Original version)
No.

Do you get emotional watching A League of Their Own?
No, but good flick.

Do you get emotional watching Rudy?
No, FUCK NOTRE DAME

Do you worry about getting a shot at the doctor?
No, I love getting stabbed in the arm with a friggin needle.

Are you scared of mice?
I had a pet snake and a pet alligator that I had to feed mice. NO WAY would I ever touch those white little bastards.

Are you scared of spiders?
I love spiders.

Are you scared of snakes?
I love snakes.
The CEO
laugh.gif

I explained water "backs" earlier...and yeah...Glory is a sad one..


What's up with Flamenco and some dudes not eating pussy at all...? Make their day, man.

laugh.gif
The CEO
QUOTE(Al Hata @ Jul 23 2007, 10:49 AM) [snapback]350641[/snapback]
Can you smoke a cigarette with milk as your only drink and be cool? (if applicable)
I smoke cigs with Capri Sun pounches. I am all man with this subject.


laugh.gif

I've pulled the combo with my daughter's juice boxes a few times....pretty funny at redlights...people look over at me sipping on that...with pink Dora The Explorer sun blinds on the back windows...and I don't give a fuck...just coolin'.

Maxy
Can you shit in public restrooms like it ain't no thing?
If needs be, yeah...

Do you go down on a woman if she's bleeding at all?
Absolutely and she seems to love it all the more that I'm such a dirty bastard.

Can you smoke a cigarette with milk as your only drink and be cool? (if applicable)
Yeah man of course...

Do you drink water backs when you're drinking alcohol? (if you don't drink, no need to answer the rest)
I drink to get drunk...simple as that.

Do you let or like women to fiddle with/enter your butthole during sexual acts? haha.gif
She can fiddle with it if it turns her on, but she aint going in that shit, no way haha.

Do you enjoy the smell of your own funky armpits?
No not for a minute.

Do you enjoy the smell of your boys' farts?
um...nope.

Do you get emotional watching Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory? (Original version)
Saddest films I ever saw are Watership Down and The Champ...

Do you get emotional watching A League of Their Own?
No.

Do you get emotional watching Rudy?
Never saw it.

Do you worry about getting a shot at the doctor?
Once got paid 600 to take part in a clinical research study as a human guinea pig. Lots of needles. Easy money.

Are you scared of mice?
No.

Are you scared of spiders?
I don't like the blighters but as the man of the house it's my job to get rid of em...

Are you scared of snakes?
There ain't no snakes over here capable of scaring anyone...

The CEO
Damn, Maxy...you're a real woman pleaser...."if it turns her on"...laugh.gif
Maxy
QUOTE(The C.E.O. @ Jul 23 2007, 03:34 PM) [snapback]350678[/snapback]
Damn, Maxy...you're a real woman pleaser...."if it turns her on"...laugh.gif


I've been with her 15 years...married for 11...Whatever job I've had she's always got up with me in the morning and cooked my breakfast....for the last year I've been cutting down on the cigs (I smoke roll-ups) and whilst I've been eating the breakfast she has just cooked, she rolls my smokes for the day. We're up at 5.20am 5 days a week.

You know she wouldn't do this shit if I didn't keep her happy in the bedroom. The way I see it, there's a means to an end...
The CEO
You got a winner there...she's got your back, and you got hers....I'm lucky to have one like that too....it's women like them that keep a grown man from straying...because we know the grass CAN'T be greener...

drinks.gif
Warlord
Can you shit in public restrooms like it ain't no thing?
No. I live by one hard and fast rule in my life. Never shit in a strange place.

Do you go down on a woman if she's bleeding at all?
No. I don't even go down if she hasn't taken a shower in the last 10 minutes. laugh.gif

Can you smoke a cigarette with milk as your only drink and be cool? (if applicable)
Don't smoke.

Do you drink water backs when you're drinking alcohol? (if you don't drink, no need to answer the rest)
Don't drink.

Do you let or like women to fiddle with/enter your butthole during sexual acts? haha.gif
No, you fag.

Do you enjoy the smell of your own funky armpits?
No. Do you?

Do you enjoy the smell of your boys' farts?
Absolutely not. But I do grade them on the 10-point must system.

Do you get emotional watching Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory? (Original version)
No.

Do you get emotional watching A League of Their Own?
Don't watch that gay shit.

Do you get emotional watching Rudy?
No.

Do you worry about getting a shot at the doctor?
No, I just worry if he's gonna try and stick his thumb up my ass. But from what I've been hearing, some of you queers would probably like that. laugh.gif

Are you scared of mice?
Yes.

Are you scared of spiders?
No.

Are you scared of snakes?
Naa. Unless they're biting me or constricting me or some shit.
The CEO
Warlord...





laugh.gif
Warlord
C.E.O.



laugh.gif
The CEO
DON'T SAY THAT!!

I've tried so hard for Him...Jesus LOVES me.
Warlord
QUOTE(The C.E.O. @ Jul 23 2007, 06:15 PM) [snapback]350707[/snapback]
DON'T SAY THAT!!

I've tried so hard for Him...Jesus LOVES me.

He used to, back before you started licking bloody cooch and getting yourself anally "probed" for pleasure. laugh.gif
Warlord
C.E.O vs. The Handsome Monkey King =



laugh.gif
The CEO
QUOTE(Warlord @ Jul 23 2007, 07:18 PM) [snapback]350708[/snapback]
and getting yourself anally "probed" for pleasure. laugh.gif


Dude...lol...that wasn't me...you're seeing shit...nobody other than me gets near my hemorrhoids..


Wait a second...I'm getting something here...former Presidential candidate, Al Gore, has a Special Message for Warlord...







rusty_trombone
QUOTE(Warlord @ Jul 23 2007, 07:21 PM) [snapback]350710[/snapback]
C.E.O vs. The Handsome Monkey King =



laugh.gif

I knew you had some black in you CEO, look at that kid. I was jobbed.
Warlord
QUOTE(The C.E.O. @ Jul 23 2007, 06:49 PM) [snapback]350722[/snapback]
Dude...lol...that wasn't me...you're seeing shit...nobody other than me gets near my hemorrhoids..
Wait a second...I'm getting something here...former Presidential candidate, Al Gore, has a Special Message for Warlord...

laugh.gif

C.E.O., is this you?

The CEO
QUOTE(rusty_trombone @ Jul 23 2007, 07:54 PM) [snapback]350725[/snapback]
I knew you had some black in you CEO, look at that kid. I was jobbed.


Nope...no Black IN me...but I've BEEN IN some Black...laugh.gif


Ok, Warlord....let's stop playin' now....I wanna see some more posters' answers ...maybe some of y'all can contribute with questions of your own...this is fun...it's like an AA meeting...the wild bunch gettin' to know each other...

thumbsup_anim.gif
Warlord
Okay, here are some more questions to ascertain whether or not some of you guys are "real" men.

1.) When is it okay to kiss another male?
  • A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
  • B. When he is the pope. (Not on the lips.)
  • C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsman-like way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.

2.) When is it okay to hug another man?
  • A. If he's your father and at least one of you has a fatal disease.
  • B. If you're performing the Heimlich maneuver.
  • C. If you're a professional football player and a teammate just scored a TD to win the Superbowl. (and also assuming that both of you are wearing sufficient protection, and that you also pound him fraternally with your fist hard enough to cause fractures.)

3.) You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy. You're watching a football game; she's watching you watch a football game. Suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, she tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say?
  • A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it.
  • B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
  • C. That you cannot believe your team just called a draw play on third and seventeen.

4.) Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her - sharing the joys and the sorrows the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?
  • A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
  • B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
  • C. Tell her what?

5.) When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?
  • A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs.
  • B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.
  • C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody (not naming names here, but this would most likely be your wife/gf) is quietly trying to discard his underwear, which she is frankly jealous of, because the guy seems to have a more intimate relationship with it than with her.

6.) Complete this sentence: A funeral is a good time to...
  • A. Remember the deceased and console the loved ones.
  • B. Reflect upon the fleeting transience of earthly life.
  • C. Start hitting on the deceased's now obscenely wealthy widow, and/or tell the joke about the guy who has Alzheimer's disease and cancer.

7.) You see a poor, not-so-attractive woman struggling to carry her luggage up the stairs. What do you do?
  • A. Help her carry her luggage.
  • B. Tell someone nearby that you think she needs help.
  • C. Ask her what time it is.

8.) Your significant other looks you straight in the eyes and says, "I love you." What do you do?
  • A. Look her straigt back in the eyes and say "I love you, too."
  • B. Look up at the cobwebs over in the corner, stretch your arms wide, yawn, and say, "Me too."
  • C. Say "I know," and give her a catshit grin.

9.) Which of the following reasons would cause you to break a date with your girl.
  • A. A family crisis.
  • B. You got called in to work for some overtime.
  • C. ESPN's Game of the Week.

10.) What kind of emails do you most commonly forward and/or receive from your friends?
  • A. Monkey picks butt, smells finger, and falls off the tree.
  • B. Some Jenna Jameson nude pictures, and other fantastic porn.
  • C. All of the above.
















CONGRATULATIONS! IF YOU ANSWERED "C" TO EVERY QUESTION ON THIS TEST, YOU ARE A REAL MAN! IF YOU FOUND YOURSELF ANSWERING TO ANYTHING ELSE, MIGHT I RECCOMMEND TAKING UP CROCHETING, YOU FUCKING PUSSIES!
Southeastpaw
Can you shit in public restrooms like it ain't no thing?
Not afraid of the seat, but if it's crowded in the bathroom, I try to keep it down.

Do you go down on a woman if she's bleeding at all?
I will, but I keep it up towrds the front and avoid the flow. My wife only either way of course.

Can you smoke a cigarette with milk as your only drink and be cool? (if applicable)
Quit smoking after 16 trs of smoking........ Clap bitches.

Do you drink water backs when you're drinking alcohol? (if you don't drink, no need to answer the rest)
When I remember. I fuckin hate hang-overs.

Do you let or like women to fiddle with/enter your butthole during sexual acts?
Never tried it so I wouldn't know. Not really interested in the experimentation honestly.

Do you enjoy the smell of your own funky armpits?
Don't know if I'd say enjoy, but it can get interesting.

Do you enjoy the smell of your boys' farts?
NO

Do you get emotional watching Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory? (Original version)
NO

Do you get emotional watching A League of Their Own?
NO

Do you get emotional watching Rudy?
Have not seen this movie. But Rocky I and II give me a lump in my throat.

Do you worry about getting a shot at the doctor?
How big is the needle?

Are you scared of mice?
NO

Are you scared of spiders?
Yes

Are you scared of snakes?
I'd like to say no, but when one is starin at me lookin like he is gunna strike, yes.




Fun CEO. Shame on you for not answering first. lol
rusty_trombone
There are a disturbing number of people on this board who have not seen Rudy.
The CEO
"keep it towards the front" laugh.gif


I think it's fun too...I didn't respond first because I didn't know if this thread would get any action...I started one about Golf a while back, and it got no play at all..

sad.gif


Which reminds me of a funny/sad story...laugh.gif....right after I signed the contract to join the Golf club I'm at...I asked if I could go ahead and play some right then...the pro said, "Sure...go ahead..on the house."...well...I didn't have a Golf towel so I was gonna buy one...but they didn't have any available..

The pro told me I could borrow his...a nice Ping towel, white, with his name embroidered on it...off I went to play...excited about what a good decision I made to join and how cool everyone appeared...I was in a real good mood.

Around the 7th hole, my stomach started FEELIN' it...like it was cookin' a trout in there...it was turning with cramps..ALL that...

I had no time to react. I was gonna have to SHIT on the course right there...right NOW....on my first DAY...laugh.gif

Luckily I was solo...but there were groups around...I started fumbling through my bag for the pack of Kleenex I THOUGHT I had...but it was nowhere to be found......I had to make an extremely urgent, Executive decision...why is this happening to me...I SNATCHED the pro's towel off my bag and went running behind the nearest pine tree...

Looking around nervous and crazy, sweating...I hurrily pulled down my pants and let it go...SPRAYING the ground and even the insides of my shoes...laugh.gif

I really don't know if anyone saw me doing this...but they easily could have it they weren't focusing on their game..I looked around for leaves, but there were none around...I wiped my ass down with the pro's towel as fast and as good as I could....It was ruined.

I felt relieved for one second, but what was I gonna do now...I couldn't give the pro his signature towel with shit all over it...so I drove the cart back to my car, unloaded my gear, snuck the cart back with its others...and split back home.

I didn't go back there for two weeks...I couldn't get everything out!!...eventually I said fuck it and went back to the course...I walked into the Pro Shop and said, "Heyyy heyyyy....here's your long, lost towel, bro (throwing it to him)...sorry it's been a while...I didn't want you to think I stole it..."......I swear it had like 4 or 5 light brown "dirt stains" on it...

Everytime I see him now, the interaction between us is awkard...mostly on his part...I think he knows.

laugh.gif
Southeastpaw
QUOTE(The C.E.O. @ Jul 24 2007, 04:02 PM) [snapback]350811[/snapback]
"keep it towards the front" laugh.gif
I think it's fun too...I didn't respond first because I didn't know if this thread would get any action...I started one about Golf a while back, and it got no play at all..

sad.gif
Which reminds me of a funny/sad story...laugh.gif....right after I signed the contract to join the Golf club I'm at...I asked if I could go ahead and play some right then...the pro said, "Sure...go ahead..on the house."...well...I didn't have a Golf towel so I was gonna buy one...but they didn't have any available..

The pro told me I could borrow his...a nice Ping towel, white, with his name embroidered on it...off I went to play...excited about what a good decision I made to join and how cool everyone appeared...I was in a real good mood.

Around the 7th hole, my stomach started FEELIN' it...like it was cookin' a trout in there...it was turning with cramps..ALL that...

I had no time to react. I was gonna have to SHIT on the course right there...right NOW....on my first DAY...laugh.gif

Luckily I was solo...but there were groups around...I started fumbling through my bag for the pack of Kleenex I THOUGHT I had...but it was nowhere to be found......I had to make an extremely urgent, Executive decision...why is this happening to me...I SNATCHED the pro's towel off my bag and went running behind the nearest pine tree...

Looking around nervous and crazy, sweating...I hurrily pulled down my pants and let it go...SPRAYING the ground and even the insides of my shoes...laugh.gif

I really don't know if anyone saw me doing this...but they easily could have it they weren't focusing on their game..I looked around for leaves, but there were none around...I wiped my ass down with the pro's towel as fast and as good as I could....It was ruined.

I felt relieved for one second, but what was I gonna do now...I couldn't give the pro his signature towel with shit all over it...so I drove the cart back to my car, unloaded my gear, snuck the cart back with its others...and split back home.

I didn't go back there for two weeks...I couldn't get everything out!!...eventually I said fuck it and went back to the course...I walked into the Pro Shop and said, "Heyyy heyyyy....here's your long, lost towel, bro (throwing it to him)...sorry it's been a while...I didn't want you to think I stole it..."......I swear it had like 4 or 5 light brown "dirt stains" on it...

Everytime I see him now, the interaction between us is awkard...mostly on his part...I think he knows.

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LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! Awesome story bro. Even in the inside of you shoes?????????? LOLOLOLOL. Thanks for the laugh today man. Funny shit. Funny thing is is that I had a vivid picture of everything happening throughout the story lol
The CEO
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Man it was Hell while it was happening...I was verrry lucky to pull it off....
rusty_trombone
you should have tossed the towel back to him while it was still wet and steamy. been like, "heres your towel bitch. I wiped my ass with it, now get me a fucking beer."
The CEO
laugh.gif

Not on my first day there!

Although I did hand my scorecard to him last week and only said, "take care of that, would ya.."...to keep track of my handicap...

He sure was cool that day I gave him a chunk of dough and was locked in to pay for a year...turns out he's your typical Golf snob...no one really likes him...
BGv2.0
I'm a real man....no matter my answers!

QUOTE(The C.E.O. @ Jul 22 2007, 08:33 PM) [snapback]350587[/snapback]
Can you shit in public restrooms like it ain't no thing?
Yes....unless it's a bacterial hazzard with feces and piss....then real man or not...you would be a dumbass to use it!

Do you go down on a woman if she's bleeding at all?
NO...I don't even like it when it's not all sauced up....

Can you smoke a cigarette with milk as your only drink and be cool? (if applicable)
I don't smoke....but I like milk.

Do you drink water backs when you're drinking alcohol? (if you don't drink, no need to answer the rest)
I RARELY drink....but when I do...no...I don't drink H20 with it!

Do you let or like women to fiddle with/enter your butthole during sexual acts? haha.gif
I would punch a woman dead off in the head if she attempted to get near that region.

Do you enjoy the smell of your own funky armpits?
sometimes. It proves I've been working and not being a lazy asshole!

Do you enjoy the smell of your boys' farts?
NO....on occassion I will bask in the wonderful glow that is my own.

Do you get emotional watching Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory? (Original version)
NO....because I've never seen it.

Do you get emotional watching A League of Their Own?
Never seen it.

Do you get emotional watching Rudy?
Never seen it.

Do you worry about getting a shot at the doctor?
I have a blood disorder (iron overload, hymocromatosis) that requires me to give blood all the time....I eat needles and ask for more!

Are you scared of mice?
no.

Are you scared of spiders?
Absolutely.....

Are you scared of snakes?
no.

The CEO
QUOTE(BGv2.0 @ Jul 26 2007, 04:28 PM) [snapback]351206[/snapback]
I'm a real man....no matter my answers!


Keep telling yourself that, and you'll eventually believe it...laugh.gif

Welcome back, BG.
rusty_trombone
QUOTE(The C.E.O. @ Jul 26 2007, 06:22 PM) [snapback]351237[/snapback]
Keep telling yourself that, and you'll eventually believe it...laugh.gif

Welcome back, BG.

that's what he tells himself before he breaks out his nudey pics of 14 year old girls.
BGv2.0
QUOTE(rusty_trombone @ Jul 26 2007, 05:33 PM) [snapback]351242[/snapback]
that's what he tells himself before he breaks out his nudey pics of 14 year old girls.



NO....those got old....but the pics your Pops gave me of your mother is working out just fine! She's helped me rub out more than a few!
rusty_trombone
QUOTE(BGv2.0 @ Jul 27 2007, 03:46 PM) [snapback]351358[/snapback]
NO....those got old....but the pics your Pops gave me of your mother is working out just fine! She's helped me rub out more than a few!

ooo a yo momma joke, did you get that from Wilmer?
The CEO
If you laugh at one or more of these pics...you're a real man...











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Don Flamenco
The CEO
laugh.gif

Good ones!

rusty_trombone
QUOTE(Don Flamenco @ Aug 2 2007, 05:13 AM) [snapback]352125[/snapback]

That is fucking hilarious.
dj necrogenic
Can you shit in public restrooms like it ain't no thing? Prefer not to, but if necessary

Do you go down on a woman if she's bleeding at all? Fuck that shit!!!

Can you smoke a cigarette with milk as your only drink and be cool? I'm lactose intolerant

Do you drink water backs when you're drinking alcohol? What the hell is a water back?

Do you let or like women to fiddle with/enter your butthole during sexual acts? haha.gif Exit ONLY!

Do you enjoy the smell of your own funky armpits? Dont bother smelling them

Do you enjoy the smell of your boys' farts? Hell NO

Do you get emotional watching Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory? (Original version) Nope

Do you get emotional watching A League of Their Own? Tom Hanks KICKS ASS

Do you get emotional watching Rudy? Rudy is a fag

Do you worry about getting a shot at the doctor? I havent been to the dr. since I was 12...so NO

Are you scared of mice? No

Are you scared of spiders? HELL YEAH

Are you scared of snakes? No

I thought of these questions...they will confirm your status (don't worry I won't judge you..laugh.gif)...feel free to add questions or tell a funny story if you like...
Do you dare answer these questions?...laugh.gif

I'll be answering later if people play along...

The CEO
(Customer)

"I'll have a Scotch...neat."

(Bartender)

"Would you like a water back (so you don't get as drunk)?"

(Customer)

"No thanks...water backs are for pussies."



It's a Professional Bar term......that I explained earlier in the thread as well....can't believe guys 25 and older here never heard that...you must have only been to dives...laugh.gif
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