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Warlord
Read this somewhere else, thought I'd share it. Good stuff.

WHEN GIRLS DON'T PUT OUT

"One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her."
The CEO
laugh.gif

That's what you call "making your point in the strongest way possible"...
BrutalBodyShots
LMAO good one Warlord!

ROLL DEEP
QUOTE(Warlord @ Nov 29 2007, 11:05 PM) [snapback]367682[/snapback]
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her."[/i]



Hahahahahaha.....
FidelCastro
That was great. Warlord there's hope for me.
caneman
laugh.gif that's classic stuff there. it reminds me of this girl years ago who told me i wasn't getting anymore of her pussy if i didn't pay her pager bill...i was like what a nice way to ask for money! i hung up on her & told her the pussy wasn't that dam good...she called back saying how sorry she was...so i went & got her, got me a blow job & still didn't pay her pager bill, needless to say, i never seen her again clapping.gif
The CEO
laugh.gif

The pussy wasn't worth $34.95 a month?
caneman
i guess the pussy wasn't that bad, it was all the skin around the pussy! in other words...her laugh.gif
The CEO
A wise man once told me that...for the most part...women are just life support systems for pussies.
Snoop
QUOTE(The C.E.O. @ Dec 1 2007, 04:39 PM) [snapback]367954[/snapback]
A wise man once told me that...for the most part...women are just life support systems for pussies.

LMAO..fucked up bro...
BGv2.0
The dead giveaway that this was MANY MANY years ago!!! lol

"pager bill"

laugh.gif

AND....of all my years on this site, there have only been 2 statements that GROSS me out....

"cualugated cheese"

and now.....

"it was all the skin around the pussy"
BrutalBodyShots
Haha.

caneman
QUOTE(BGv2.0 @ Dec 1 2007, 07:39 PM) [snapback]368000[/snapback]
The dead giveaway that this was MANY MANY years ago!!! lol

"pager bill"

laugh.gif

AND....of all my years on this site, there have only been 2 statements that GROSS me out....

"cualugated cheese"

and now.....

"it was all the skin around the pussy"


i thought everyone knew that joke; what do you call the skin around a pussy? answer: a woman
and yea it was a few years back, '95 or '96...pretty sure it was '95 come to think about it cool.gif
Bazooka Limon
QUOTE(caneman @ Dec 1 2007, 07:08 AM) [snapback]367942[/snapback]
laugh.gif that's classic stuff there. it reminds me of this girl years ago who told me i wasn't getting anymore of her pussy if i didn't pay her pager bill...i was like what a nice way to ask for money! i hung up on her & told her the pussy wasn't that dam good...she called back saying how sorry she was...so i went & got her, got me a blow job & still didn't pay her pager bill, needless to say, i never seen her again clapping.gif

Good For You
STEVENSKI
QUOTE(BGv2.0 @ Dec 2 2007, 12:39 AM) [snapback]368000[/snapback]
The dead giveaway that this was MANY MANY years ago!!! lol

"pager bill"

laugh.gif

AND....of all my years on this site, there have only been 2 statements that GROSS me out....

"cualugated cheese"

and now.....

"it was all the skin around the pussy"



That was a nasty burger too.
ElectricTwinkie
The original story also includes the guy's hospital bill from where she shoved her foot up his ass and left him for a woman.
Warlord
QUOTE(ElectricTwinkie @ Dec 5 2007, 02:33 PM) [snapback]368560[/snapback]
The original story also includes the guy's hospital bill from where she shoved her foot up his ass and left him for a woman.

Leave the gay shit for the gay forums, Twinkie.
ElectricTwinkie
QUOTE(Warlord @ Dec 7 2007, 05:37 AM) [snapback]368871[/snapback]
Leave the gay shit for the gay forums, Twinkie.


And just where are those forums to be found? Point the way...

Don't be mad at me just because your "funny" has an ending that you don't like. drag.gif
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