Help - Search - Members - Calendar
Full Version: Are you a douchebag?
FightHype Community > OTHER HYPE > General Discussion
The CEO
I heard about this article on the radio on Lex and Terry....it's fairly long...but it's fairly funny....


You know them. You see them. Maybe one’s a neighbor, a friend. Maybe one just served you an espresso with a double shot of haughty. Maybe you’re one.

Yeah, we’re talking douchebags. They’re out there, walking among us, looking down on us, driving an IROC-Z while blasting T-Pain’s latest. They practice pursing their lips and have totally DVRed Dane Cook’s latest comedy special because it will be “f—ing rad, brah.”

Yet not all douchebags are created equal. Chances are, someone falls along our Douchebag Spectrum ™. So it’s not too late for some. Perhaps you give those Oakleys to Goodwill or download just one Nickelback song, not the entire album.

Remember, we’re here to help — even the douchebags.



The Entry-Level Douchebag

{INFANTUS JERKWADERUS} You’ve graduated from tool (and from college — barely) and are now an eager Douchebag-In-Training.

• You own a Nickelback album.
• It’s not gel, man. It’s $40 hair wax.
• You smell like an Abercrombie store.
• You’ve officially dubbed your friends “my boys.”
• Favorite word to scream: WHOOOOOO!
• You name your dog after a character from “To Kill a Mockingbird.”
• You spend most weekends at Power Plant Live!
• You talk about “Lost” as if it were “The Grapes of Wrath.”
• You pretend you know how to swirl and sniff wine.
• Trademark greeting: “Sup,” paired with one of those head nods.
• You manscape.
• Favorite scent: Axe body spray.
• The only songs you’ll sing at karaoke are by Journey.
• Ronald Reagan is your hero.
• You’re a Yankees fan.
• You pay a bar tab with a credit card and don’t leave a tip.
• Polo shirts are two times too small.
• You bar-golf in Federal Hill.
• You still “poke” people on Facebook.
• You always end an e-mail with the environmentally friendly reminder, “Don’t print this e-mail unless you really have to.”
• You’re pals with the prepared food team at Whole Foods.

celeb soul mates: Wilmer Valderrama; Keith Olbermann; Colin Farrell; Brody Jenner; Mario Lopez



The Mid-Grade Douchebag


{COLLARPOPPERUS FANATICUM} Well on your way to becoming a Full-Fledged Douchebag but still working on defining your sense of entitlement.

• You call Frisbee golf “The sport of kings.”
• You own a message T-shirt with a double sexual entendre, i.e.: Ride south to Pen Island.
• You have a “Scarface” poster in your living room. You’re 29 years old.
• You’ve ever layered a T-shirt over a polo shirt.
• You still have a “W” sticker on your car.
• You are willing to vote for anyone Chuck Norris tells you to.
• Johnny Lawrence in “The Karate Kid” is your idol.
• Tattoos include a bald eagle, Chinese characters you can’t translate.
• You randomly mention your alma mater in conversation — just because it’s, you know, so impressive.
• You grow your hair to surfer/lax player length and then claim it’s not a new version of the mullet.
• You wear sunglasses indoors.
• You still listen to Creed.
• You call Preakness, “freakness.”
• You wear your three Livestrong bracelets — in the shower.
• Two words: trucker hat.
• Most of your credit card debt comes from PacSun.
• You squint in photos and while throwing up a gang sign.
• You work on your Great American Novel at Starbucks.

celeb soul mates: Carlos Mencia; John Mayer; Matthew McConaughey; Ty Pennington; Ashton Kutcher



The Extreme Douchebag


{MAXIMUS DOUCHEBAGUS} Everyone is beneath you — and your tight pink polo. And your hair is spiked as close to God as it can get.

• You consider Dane Cook a comic genius.
• You never miss St. Patrick’s Day in Canton Square for the Port-A-Potty tipping.
• You’re from Long Island.
• You’ve actually uttered the phrase, “I’ve got secrets can’t leave Cancun.”
• You have a Bluetooth headset. When people look at you inquisitively as you talk to yourself, you point quickly to the headset and mouth, “I’m on the phone.”
• You always wear your artfully distressed Gamecocks hat. Backwards.
• You fervently believe, “These colors don’t run.”
• Ideal free time: Earnestly singing Jack Johnson songs while enjoying a bonfire on the beach.
• You think Tom Cruise is getting a bad rap.
• You don’t feel good about yourself unless you get spray-tanned four times a week.
• You, unironically, wear a dollar-sign chain necklace.
• You advocate a Baltimore homeless relocation program, instead of just giving them a buck or two.
• You use the word gay in a derogatory sense — after doing a workout with your heterosexual life mate.
• You call people “brah.”
• You bemoan the Baltimore Sports & Social Club’s girl-requirement.
• You constantly purse your lips inexplicably.
• You have a barbed-wire bicep tattoo — and aren’t in the Hells Angels or a UFC fighter.

celeb soul mates: Spencer Pratt; Dane Cook; Donald Trump; Ryan Seacrest; Adam Levine; Criss Angel; Nick Lachey




laugh.gif laugh.gif


I have to say I do exhibit one of the traits....I wear my shades indoors sometimes....what about y'all?
STEVENSKI
I have one trait & that is that Johnny Lawrence is my hero. Man he beat Ralp Macchio so bad you could not help but love him.
Spyder
My favorite word to scream is "WHOOOOO!"....well actually it's "WEEEHOOO!", and it's done to make fun of rednecks and Tennessee Vols fans.

"Go Vols! WEEEHOOO! Peyton Manning!"
Mino
Sup Brah?
caneman
LMFAO @ this thread! laugh.gif
caneman
QUOTE
• You have a Bluetooth headset. When people look at you inquisitively as you talk to yourself, you point quickly to the headset and mouth, “I’m on the phone.”


Rut row, maybe I am! lmao! rolleyes.gif
Al Hata
I plead guilty to the following:

• "You’ve officially dubbed your friends “my boys.” " - I call them "dem boys"....does that still qualify as a beginner douchebag?
• "You talk about “Lost” as if it were “The Grapes of Wrath.”" -LOL, come on, the show is THAT good
• "You manscape" -does this mean like, shave your chest or something? I have.
• "The only songs you’ll sing at karaoke are by Journey" -wow lol....and some Hall and Oats...
• "You’re a Yankees fan." - Home team
• "Polo shirts are two times too small" -I don't buy them small, they just shrink.
• "You’re pals with the prepared food team at Whole Foods" -I eat at whole foods during lunch with my hot co worker. I have no choice, she's really hot.


Damn, I'm on pace to becoming a serious douchebag.
The CEO
LOL!! @ these replies!!


Johnny Lawrence WAS great in Karate Kid. The simple 180 he did at the end of the film by giving Daniel-san the trophy....that was awesome....

I am guilty of yelling variations of "WHOOOOOOOOOOO!!" as well.....it's not my favorite word, and I don't do it in public........but I like to yell them when I hear an old jam I used to like ("ooooooOOOOOOOOOO" or "OOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEE"), or when I see something devestating ("WOOOOHOOOHOOOHOOOOOOO"), or my chorizo's been spiked ("wooooooOOOOOOOOOOO"), or when Ric Flair was in the zone doing his thing ("WOOOOOOOOOOoooooo!!")....

I've never said, "Sup, brah?" live and direct to another person....lol

As far as Bluetooth goes....and you GOTTA be lying, cane....lol....I keep my phone and my Jawbone piece in my pocket...I don't even walk or drive around with it in my ear...if my phone rings I just plug it in....I don't wanna give anyone a reason to think I'm a douche....
The CEO
I would have never pegged you for a douche, Hata....Lost and Hall and Oates?....come on now...lol
caneman
QUOTE(The C.E.O. @ Sep 19 2008, 11:50 AM) [snapback]404716[/snapback]
LOL!! @ these replies!!
Johnny Lawrence WAS great in Karate Kid. The simple 180 he did at the end of the film by giving Daniel-san the trophy....that was awesome....

I am guilty of yelling variations of "WHOOOOOOOOOOO!!" as well.....it's not my favorite word, and I don't do it in public........but I like to yell them when I hear an old jam I used to like ("ooooooOOOOOOOOOO" or "OOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEE"), or when I see something devestating ("WOOOOHOOOHOOOHOOOOOOO"), or my chorizo's been spiked ("wooooooOOOOOOOOOOO"), or when Ric Flair was in the zone doing his thing ("WOOOOOOOOOOoooooo!!")....

I've never said, "Sup, brah?" live and direct to another person....lol

As far as Bluetooth goes....and you GOTTA be lying, cane....lol....I keep my phone and my Jawbone piece in my pocket...I don't even walk or drive around with it in my ear...if my phone rings I just plug it in....I don't wanna give anyone a reason to think I'm a douche....


My jawbone stays in my ear & is the best ear piece there is on the planet! I have no shame in my game! rolleyes.gif
The CEO
Oh yeah?...well if I saw you and didn't know you....I would be thinking, "Look at this douche frontin' with his Jawbone."....then I would whip out my diamond encrusted Jawbone and start talking to myself....laugh.gif
caneman
hmmmmmmmm...wouldn't fronting be pulling it outta your pocket instead of having it in your ear?!?!?
The CEO
Nahhh..."frontin'" with it is keepin' it in your ear when you're not expecting any calls....what I do is called a Low-Pro Smoove Douche Move....laugh.gif


Check out this FLAMING douche though....









Spyder
laugh.gif

THAT guy is the ipedamy of douche!

Sorry Cane, but bragging about having the best bluetooth on the planet only ups the douche ante. dntknw.gif

We've all had to make some self-evaluation at times, but that's what molds us into the upstanding individuals that we are! Take the bluetooth out of your ear, and stick it in your pocket...

You're better then that brah! lol

friends.gif
JonnyBlaze
QUOTE(The C.E.O. @ Sep 18 2008, 11:20 PM) [snapback]404684[/snapback]
I have to say I do exhibit one of the traits....I wear my shades indoors sometimes....what about y'all?

I'm clear..No douchebag in me!!YESSSS!!hahahaha..Those were pretty funny though.."You vote for anyone Chuck Norris tells you to.."hahahaha..That's a good one and I know of some people who would do that..
JD
Ok...here is what I got...

• You manscape. (Come on, who doesn't?)
• You’re a Yankees fan. (Despise the new breed jerkoff Yankee fans)
• You’re from Long Island. (Born and raised)

That's it. So outside of being a priss for manscaping, I am just a lifelong Yankee fan who is from Long Island.

No douchebaggery here.
Douchebag
Manscape?
Spyder
QUOTE(The Conscience @ Sep 20 2008, 11:42 AM) [snapback]404777[/snapback]
Manscape?

Yeah, I gotta claim that one also...

Hey, I'm Italian what choice do I got?

laugh.gif
STEVENSKI
I clip my chest. Damm it is like a forest on me.
Douchebag
The CEO
Nice illustration on the left.....lol


I'm guessing that Malignaggi HAS to be a douche...that there's no way around it for him....

I REALLY hate that whole pursing of the lips deal......even when women do it....when I see people do it, it makes me wanna walk up to them and puke on their face.
KookedKrack
ehhh does a rick flair "woooooooo" from time to time count as douchebaggery?
Spyder
QUOTE(KookedKrack @ Sep 22 2008, 11:31 AM) [snapback]404903[/snapback]
ehhh does a rick flair "woooooooo" from time to time count as douchebaggery?

I think it really depends on the circumstances...

If done to bring attention to yourself = douche
If done to make fun of a douche within earshot = acceptable
If done to taunt someone = douche
If done when your team scores a touchdown or makes a big hit = acceptable
If done when your team scores a touchdown and you are in the opponents stadium = douche

I'm sure there are more cases on either side of douchebaggery.
BigJuicyHog
The only one I got is using Axe. Its cheap and the roll on shit irritates my armpits.
STEVENSKI
Fitz is gay he is not joining in the primal ridiculing of a guy who wears a pink shirt & that is the proof we need.
JonnyBlaze
QUOTE(STEVENSKI @ Sep 22 2008, 06:16 PM) [snapback]404921[/snapback]
Fitz is gay he is not joining in the primal ridiculing of a guy who wears a pink shirt & that is the proof we need.

hahaha..

That dude in the pink shirt is a fuckin faggot!!His popped collar and "perfectly angled" hat is sooo douchey..This guy should of been labeled piece of shit/douche bag..Also,guys who tan are major douche bags..They need to quit trying to act like females..We're supposed to be men,leave the tanning for the chicks you metro-faggot-sexuals..

Manscaping is ok in some cases,but not with legs..Leave the leg shaving to the chicks..I know I don't want to look like a little boy with no hair on my legs..Trimming isn't a douche bag thing though I think,especially if you have a lot of hair and don't want that much..
BigG
Nothing wrong with the livestrong bracelet but the rest...what a duchebag!!!
STEVENSKI
It's cool you know if you wanna carry on like Paul Malignaggi I won't judge you (actually I will).

Every time I see a popped collar I get agitated & combining it with pastel colours angers me further. That being said wearing pastel & popping the collar gets you laid with jailbait so who is the douche?
Douchebag
QUOTE(STEVENSKI @ Sep 23 2008, 02:45 AM) [snapback]405015[/snapback]
It's cool you know if you wanna carry on like Paul Malignaggi I won't judge you (actually I will).

Every time I see a popped collar I get agitated & combining it with pastel colours angers me further. That being said wearing pastel & popping the collar gets you laid with jailbait so who is the douche?



I didn't know they had douchebags in Australia. These mutherfuckers are multilplying. LOL
ROLL DEEP
QUOTE(The Conscience @ Sep 23 2008, 05:54 AM) [snapback]405023[/snapback]
I didn't know they had douchebags in Australia. These mutherfuckers are multilplying. LOL



They're in England too.


Faggots.
Spyder
Every new poster needs to "Take the TESS!"
Cshel86
Lmao! That list immediately brought tears of laughter, then that picture just did it for me! I was done! The only one that applied to me was the "head nod" when you are trying to say whats up! I cried when I saw that! I remember how dumb others looked doing it, so I pretty much knew my status when I did it...same dumb look. Then I started tryin' new & dumb shit like nodding my head (Dragnet style) and throwing dueces at the same time, smh...fail.

As for people saying "brah/bruh"...thats the quickest way to make me wanna load up a jab and follow up with a two-piece! Hate it! Its crazy nowadays that people find it easier to call you "bruh" instead of asking your name. Im like, "Damn, are you that in a rush to address me, that you'd rather disregard my name, and take the "bruh" shortcut?" It just makes you wanna knock somebody out because it sounds so disrespectful...that and the term "buddy" used too many times can lead to a serious case of "racoon eyes" in the wrong setting.
BGv2.0
I only have one thing on all those lists...I do like Nickleback. I do NOT get the hate for them at all.

I will admit there was a time when they just sort of took a right turn to purely what I call Stripper Rock....where literally 6 songs out of 10 on any given album is about a stripper or dating a stripper or whatever....

BUT...their second album The State was really F'N good! Leader of Men is a really good song.

AND...next to Kiss...it's hard to find an act that uses as many pyros....that shit is badass in concert.



ALSO....I'm getting pretty sick of this idea that to be hot one must be hairless.

I am a F'N man....God gave me arm, chest and ass hair....any woman that can't deal with it can go suck some guys baby smooth balls....because I don't do that shit...I sport my butterfly under my white haynes t-shirt with pure testosterone filled pride!

Same for the women too....nothing pisses me off more than to get down there and have not one single gotdamn hair sprouting! I understand if she wants to keep it trimmed and manicured....but this bald baby shit has to come to a f'n end already.

Any girl I get into a relationship with.....I make her grow that shit out!

Actually I don't mind full on 70's hippie porn bush....once again..I am a man...and there is no jungle I fear to walk through!

The CEO
I have no doubt you are the manliest douche on this board, BG...

lol...hey, man...
BGv2.0
QUOTE (The CEO @ Oct 11 2011, 12:26 PM) *
I have no doubt you are the manliest douche on this board, BG...

lol...hey, man...



F'n A right Brah! threaten.gif
lloyd mayflower
The lack of activity in this thread is proof that many of the new breed of fighthype posters are incapable of honesty. I can think of at least 10 names that should be in here admitting to their douchebaggery
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.
Invision Power Board © 2001-2014 Invision Power Services, Inc.