GENERIC BOXING SITE: Hey Floyd, what's good?
FLOYD MAYWEATHER: Awwww, man, everything is shit, youknowahmsaying? I got baby mama drama, court-cases, family problems and I gotta train for a fight. Good job it's only Victor Ortiz.
SITE: Do you think you'll beat Ortiz easily then?
FM: Of course, I wouldn't have picked him to fight otherwise, knowahmsaying? What do you think I am? I fight guys I can make easy money against, not fighters with viable chances. I had to fight Shane because there wasn't anyone else left, and after he buzzed me in the second round, and he did hurt me because I don't like getting hit that much, I was like, 'nah, man, give me a scrub next'. I was considering retiring, but then Victor Ortiz, god bless him, pulled off the upset against Berto and I was like, 'get me that dude!'
SITE: Don't you worry that it might harm your legacy, though?
FM: My what? Look, man, Floyd don't care about nothing but Floyd. If it makes dollars it makes sense. Does legacy pay the bills? Hell, no. Legacy is a bunch of old guys criticising my career in 100 years time when I'm in the hall of fame as the best ever to do it. You think I give a shit about that?
SITE: What about the fans?
FM: Fans is good, but I don't really care about them. They're just broke ass common people. Like my pops says, don't no-one know shit about boxing.
SITE: Well, the main fight that the public wants is Manny Pacquiao. Can that fight happen?
FM: If Manny takes the test, then...
SITE:...then it'll happen?
FM: Erm...no, then I'll move the goalposts again and find another reason not to fight him. He's scary and fast, man. Look, I'll do a rematch with Ortiz to make it up to everyone. If I get a shit load of money, anyway.
SITE: What happened to the old Floyd at super-feather, who dominated the division, fought often and went looking for the best?
FM: Awwww...the old Floyd was broke. He was just a thousandaire. I'm a millionaire now which means I'm a better fighter, a better person and a better human being. That is how it works, isn't it?
SITE: Ummm...no, not really. It just means you have more money. But anyways, thanks for the interview, Floyd.
FLOYD: It's all good, baby, if it don't make dollars it don't make sense, Floyd is the best to do it, undefeated five weight champ, [more generic Floyd-ese babble]
PS: Please, all the Flomos and Gayweather Friends, this is just a bit of fun. Please don't burn my house down in a fit of anger. We all love Floyd really, we just don't want to guzzle his cum like some of you guys do.