Well, I’m willing to give Conor Benn the benefit of the doubt.
Maybe the young man was using clomiphene for its primary purpose—to induce ovulation in an effort to become pregnant. The do-gooders ragging on the second-generation star about his failed Voluntary Anti-Doping Association (VADA) doping test prior to a scheduled bout with Chris Eubank Jr. would feel real shitty about themselves if they discovered poor Conor’s only sin was wanting to be a mommy.
Maybe Benn’s promoter, Eddie Hearn, can straighten things out through an exclusive to his favorite reporter Kugan Cassius of iFL TV on YouTube.
Hearn: “Well, mate…Conor always fancied the idea of becoming a mum…Kugan, how are you enjoying being in my suite, so close to my soiled knickers?”
Kugan: “Eddie…[takes a huge whiff]…wow…that’s a wonderful, tangy smell…[takes another whiff]…Conor would make a great mother!”
That’s how I imagine things going down, anyway.
Hearn actually did do a damage control interview with Cassius after Benn-Eubank officially fell to shit. I can’t tell you how it went because I bailed on the 40-minute video after the first couple seconds where Hearn lamented about the “abuse” he was taking for this mess.
Poor Eddie. Try to greenlight one dirty fighter into a nonsensical cash-grab catchweight monstrosity of a pay-per-view bout and, suddenly, they start treating you like some uncaring sleazy boxing promoter!
But, man, the way things played out in this Benn-Eubank debacle is bad, even by boxing standards.
Apparently, all parties had known about Benn’s failed drug test since September 23 [Clomiphene, by the way, has the secondary use of producing testosterone in cheat-minded athletes.], more than two weeks before the scheduled October 8 fight. The bout, however, didn’t become in jeopardy until that info was leaked to journalist Riath Al-Samarrai and published in the Daily Mail on October 5.
Two-and-a-half hours after the story went live, the British Boxing Board of Control (BBBofC), which also knew of the failed VADA test, “prohibited” the bout.
There was a good day-and-a-half, though, where Hearn and a gaggle of greasy men in suits worked their asses off to get their chemically-charged welterweight into the ring with that weight-drained super middleweight. Nostalgia makes for big business in boxing and stoking the Benn-Eubank family rivalry in the UK for a quick—and huge—money score seemed like, as Floyd Mayweather once called his string of meaningless exhibitions, “legalized bank robbery.”
By the time the fans realized that they had been hoodwinked with an absolutely farcical prizefight and promotion, Hearn and Eubank promoter Kalle Sauerland (who actually knew of Benn’s positive test and was willing to risk his fighter for the sake of the payday) would be on to the next hustle.
Hearn and his team tried to go with a “but we tested negative in a subsequent UK Anti-Doping (UKAD) test” strategy, but that held no water. Benn had signed up for VADA testing and he failed the VADA test. If they had only gone with more dodgy testing, Hearn wistfully implied in an after-the-fact interview, the show would’ve gone on.
Ultimately, even the chronically “un-self-aware” Hearn realized how much of a shit head this was making him look like and he backed away from efforts to salvage the event.
But make no mistake about any of this. Had Al-Samarrai not filed his report, Benn-Eubank would’ve gone on as planned, with the promoters and the BBBofC turning a blind eye to the fact that one of the fighters was not clean.
As Hearn, himself, opined awhile back when the dirty shoe was on another foot and he was the aggreged party, “What is the point in signing up for drug testing if, when you fail, everyone just goes ‘oh don’t worry about it, just let him fight?’
“The argument of ‘well, it’s alright with UKAD’ is totally irrelevant. You’ve signed up for drug testing with VADA – the best testing agency, in my opinion, in the sport.”
So, does any of this come as a surprise? Not really. It does beg the question, however, of how many times this has happened in the past where an Al-Samarrai wasn’t there to inform the public and hold feet to fire. It also calls into question the logistics of all doping tests in the sport, including those of VADA. What good is any sort of testing, regardless of the veracity and integrity of the testing process, if results can be locked up behind boardroom doors and ignored by governing bodies until AFTER the show goes on and the money hits bank accounts? Who can keep things on the level and demand accountability when the same commissions and governing bodies entrusted with those responsibilities appear to be just as skeevy and sleazy as the promoters?
But enough of this negativity. I’m trying to be a more positive person this year and focus more on the good things in life.
Good luck to Conor Benn and his apparent quest to be a mommy. The call of motherhood is always going to trump the call for a clean sport, as it should. You do you, champ. When you post a link to your Amazon baby registry, expect a nice diaper genie and some newborn PJs in the mail from Uncle Paul.
Got something for Magno? Send it here: paulmagno@theboxingtribune.com