By Percy Crawford | October 20, 2008

"I always wanted to fight Anderson Silva. Even if he…I know everyone is saying he would kick my ass, but just to give it a go. I'm just going to keep training and improve my game and I know he's a phenomenal fighter, but that's why I want to fight him. That's why I've always wanted to fight him. I've really always wanted that. He's about to make me come out of retirement and I've only been retired for an hour," stated Jason "Mayhem" Miller as he talked about his recent retirement from MMA. Check out what he had to say about his future plans and much more.

PC: What's up with all of this retirement talk my man?

JM: Yeah, yeah! I got plenty of money. I don't even care. I just do it for fun. I love fighting, but I'm just doing it for fun. I don't feel like doing it right now so I'm not going to do it.

PC: Did something happen to make you feel this way?

JM: No! I'm just going to be training in the gym or whatever. There is no pressure. I might come out of retirement in a little while, but right now, I'm retired. I don't care. There is no need. There is no need for me to fight so I'm just happy to have lived such a fun career inside of MMA so if it ends now, it was fun."

PC: I saw you at Affliction's first event. What did you think of the show?

JM: The first show…I thought that Megadeth's performance was excellent. I thought that the lead singer kind of looks like a tranny and that, to me, is really attractive in a band. It's kind of what I look for in a band. Other than that, I think there were some fights at that show if I remember correctly and I'm pretty sure they went swimmingly.

PC: Will your roll at Triumph United increase with your downtime in MMA?

JM: Yeah, I'm going to be folding a lot of T-shirts and sending them out in packages. I'm just going to be training every day. I'm just training every day. I'm just working on some new stuff every day in my training. I'm actually, and you've probably heard that we're actually starting a petting zoo in the back of Triumph United to help income because the economy is really bad right now. As long as John McCain gets into office, we're all going to be saved, you know?

PC: What does the petting zoo consist of? Mayhem Monkeys?

JM: No, no! Mayhem Monkeys are actually human beings that support the cause of Mayhem, which everyone is worried that with me retiring, what's going to happen to the Mayhem Monkeys, but oh, no, no, no, no, we're still strong. All of us are Mayhem Monkeys. The petting zoo is actually sheep, goat and Ryan Loco even has a snake with 2 heads that's non-poisonous that the kids really get a kick out of. It's pretty amazing and honestly, it's excellent that we started the petting zoo because, strange enough, with the economy going bad, our buddies had this farm that was going out of business and we just took the animals and some of them were pretty relieved early on that we invested a little money in them and gave them shots and everything. Now they're all healthy man and its good times.

PC: How will the MMA world survive without you and these interviews?

JM: Oh, I will be in the MMA world. I can't really escape this land of tacky skull T-shirts and chicks [Editor's note: The word "chicks" was originally mistakenly heard to be "spics" due to background noise] with bad tattoos. I can't get out of here that easily, but with that being said…I don't know; I don't need to fight.

PC: Will we still see the red streak in your hair or is that just for fight time?

JM: That's only for times of intense intensity. I want you to quote me on that one; intense intensity. Not just intensity, but intense intensity! Say that 3 times fast, I dare you…I double dare you.

PC: I can barely say Mayhem Miller fast so I'll pass on that. You're only 27 years old. What will occupy your time other than Triumph United and the petting zoo?

JM: Honestly, I don't even run the petting zoo. Ryan Loco and Hans Molenkamp, who is my partner with Triumph United, actually run it. Hans does all of the books and Ryan Loco cleans up shit out of the back. He's got the shitty job honestly. He really does the dirty work for everybody.

PC: Ryan doesn't catch any breaks man.

JM: Dude, come on, he deserves it; he's famous.

PC: What did you think of UFC 89?

JM: I thought it was a good show; okay show. I thought the Leben-Bisping fight…what are you going to do about that? It was really sad to see Sokoudjou lose. I think he has so much more potential than that. He's definitely going to retool his game. I know him and I know that he'll take a look at this and try to change things up because that wasn't the best Sokoudjou that he could be, you know?

PC: I have to give you the retired fighter interview now. Is there anyone out there that you never got the opportunity to fight that you would have liked to?

JM: Well, yeah! I'd like to fight…I don't know. I always wanted to fight Anderson Silva. Even if he…I know everyone is saying he would kick my ass, but just to give it a go. I'm just going to keep training and improve my game and I know he's a phenomenal fighter, but that's why I want to fight him. That's why I've always wanted to fight him. I've really always wanted that. He's about to make me come out of retirement and I've only been retired for an hour.

PC: You've been retired for an hour and Anderson is talking retirement so maybe that's a comeback fight for you guys.

JM: (Laughing) Exactly! I'll go in a different direction. If I come back to fighting, I will definitely work my way up to a huge fight, but like I said, I'm retired. I will take a job as a male dancer if anybody knows any contacts for that that would be phenomenal.

PC: You are too much man.

JM: I'm not too much. You should see me in some tight underwear. I'm just enough.

PC: At the Affliction show, you had the fat rope chain on man. You have obviously made enough money in this sport.

JM: Yeah, yeah! See, people forget that I made a boatload of money inside Dream. They think that I was always in the UFC making $2,000 a fight. I heavily invested in Halliburton before the Iraq War. I'm sitting pretty right now. I'm telling you dude. I invested a lot in some Chinese companies and now that the dollars are down the toilet, my investments are taking off and taking flight and a lot of people lost their ass and it sucks to be them.

PC: Where would you prefer to fight? In Japan or in the States?

JM: In Japan without a doubt man. In America, it's just not the level of respect you get in Japan. I don't know if it's cultural or what, but they're just like, "Yeah, fuck you!" It doesn't really matter who you are. You get in there and fight and then get the fuck out of the arena. They don't care about you. In Japan, they are very respectful of you and, you know, the foot massages are a big plus. The thing about fighting in America is that you're in America. I like to be a day ahead in case I gotta call somebody; it's like tomorrow there. Son of a bitch.

PC: What was your most memorable fight Mayhem?

JM: My most memorable? It would have to be losing to Jacare because that was my most recent fight and I have a really bad long term memory. I have a really bad short term memory too.

PC: What do you want people to remember you for in this sport?

JM: I'd like to be remembered as a man who fought primarily for the fans. Regardless of the outcome of the fight, I always fought to put on a show.

PC: You also had some of the best entrances in the game.

JM: Yeah! There are some entrances I don't know if I could ever top, but honestly, I just really feel as if every time that I ever fought, ever, it's been for the enjoyment of the people who may not even appreciate me. I just always give my all to them. I always gave my all.

PC: What did you think about Kimbo Slice going down?

JM: Dude, Kimbo Slice is Kimbo Slice. He's a street fighter and he came over to MMA because the demand was there. He did it and got popped on the chin. Bob's your uncle, you know? Give the guy a break. It's not like he was tooting his own horn like he was the best trained top contender of the planet. He was just out there fighting for the fans. He's the American Dream. Fuck you guys, you know? I don't see any of these guys rocking a giant gold fist on their chains.

PC: He did make $500,000 for 14 seconds of work.

JM: Yeah, come on! I've had my ass kicked a lot worst for a lot less money. I got a headache.

PC: If you were Dana White for a day, what changes would you make as UFC President?

JM: I would probably make…Dana White is not allowed to do what I would do. Well, I'll say it anyway. I would change the rules to where knees to the head of a grounded opponent need to happen. Maybe take some elbows out. Insert more tits and ass between rounds; that's really a thing that they're lacking. I would have entrances with T-shirt cannons on each side of the Octagon. The Octagon would be made out of ropes and would have only 4 sides. All of the audience would have to be Japanese and all of the events would have to be in Japan.

PC: So you would turn the UFC into Pride?

JM: No, no! Not at all. It would be the UFC (laughing).

PC: On the flip side of things, if you were Jared Shaw, what would you do as the head of EliteXC?

JM: I would definitely devote most of my marketing budget towards my street fighter. My street fighter marketing team would be all YouTube fights. The rules would be to only stand up in the first round, the second round would be standup and grappling and the third round, we would actually strap the 2 opponents to a wheel device in the ring and we would just wheel them up to each other and then they punch each other in the face and for a spectacular KO, we would just unstrap their harness. If you get KO'd, we would just unsnap the harness and let them fall to the ground. If I were to really make a big change in Pro Elite, I would have $kala do all of the ring announcing and the commentating from the sidelines. He would actually be the coach for each fighter; both sides. He would also be a cutman and I would have $kala as the ring card person. That would be magnificent. Do you think $kala was trying to hump Gina Carano?

PC: I don't know, but from what I hear, he was trying to sneak a peek over the towel.

JM: $kala is a Mack. Wait, did he look at her boobs, I didn't see that part.

PC: I think he was behind her looking over.

JM: Nice! Listen, okay, I think it's really funny because I don't know, I think $kala is probably the silliest character in mixed martial arts. He's such a phenomenon, I don't really even know what to say, but I gotta give it to him; he gets in there. He gets in there and gets his hands dirty. He became an overnight celebrity. He went from nobody knowing him to everybody knowing him. I don't even know exactly what he does. I don't even know what his job is, but he's doing it whatever it is.

PC: Do you like that name, $kala?

JM: I don't know about his nickname. I don't think that's too awesome. I don't know if it's helped him get any ass, but it's definitely gotten the attention of every internet fan boy for all of the wrong reasons.

PC: If Mayhem Miller is going into an alley to fight 4 guys, what 3 fighters do you bring along with you?

JM: I would bring Rampage because I know he's down for whatever. I would bring Kimbo because he knows how to put up them dukes and he'll watch out for that metal thing. I would also bring…wait I gotta bring 4 other guys or 3 other guys?

PC: 3 if you're counting yourself, unless you plan on chilling in the back on the phone.

JM: Yes, I do! I would also bring that kid from "Never Back Down". I never saw the movie, but he looked really good on the Thai pads in the previews. We can't lose with him on the team.

PC: Mayhem, it's always a pleasure. Thanks again for granting me one of the funniest and bizarre interviews I've ever done. I appreciate the interview my man.

JM: Alright buddy! Let them know I just made it on the competitive chess-boxing circuit so I'm pursuing that.

[ Follow Percy Crawford on Twitter @MrFighthype ]

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